Melancholy

Yea, that's me today, Melancholy. Today was Travis' last day of high school. I can't believe it is here already. Seems like just yesterday I wrote this post. Wow this year just flew!! I can't believe how fast it went. It was a great year for him with many highs, and a few lows, but all in all things went well for him.


The other night, John and I stopped at McDonald's before a track meet. There was a mom there with her approximately 6-7 year old son. I watched them for awhile. He was fighting a bit because he didn't want to eat. Instead, he wanted to go into the play gym. That was sooooo me and Travis 10 years ago or so. The mom was totally annoyed, and I thought to myself, boy, not too long and she will be sitting where I am. Before I knew it the tears were streaming down my face. And then there is John. LOL. Sooooo not compassionate when it comes to these things. He looks at me and goes OMG STOP!! Personally I think it is better I get it out early, LOL. Maybe I'll be all cried out by graduation! Lord knows I'm so not pretty when I cry.


Don't get me wrong, I'm soooo happy for him and so proud of him. And it's not even that he is moving to college. I think it is so much deeper than that. It's kinda like God gives us children for just a little while to raise, and then it is time for them to move on and make a life for themselves. I get that, but it is also the part I'm having the toughest time with. My opportunity as a parent is basically done, and I guess I'm just not sure what this next phase will bring. Now I know once you are a parent you are always a parent, but what I'm saying is the opportunity to guide them, to teach them right from wrong, to get his sweet hugs and precious kisses, that is the part I'm missing! When he was little he thought I hung the moon. Now he knows better, LMBO! That age of innocence is gone.


I'm just a roller coaster of emotions right now. And contrary to this post, I AM enjoying the ride. The festivities have been GREAT. Today they had a big water balloon fight after school that ended with someone going to the hospital in an ambulance. Good times.....NOT! Tomorrow is Shatzapalooza, a big senior party at his friend's house. A few of us parents are going, just to make sure the food situation is cool. Friday my parents will be here for the weekend. My mom always helps me put things into perspective. We are going to get pedicures on Friday, that should be fun. And then Sunday is graduation. Wish me luck peeps! Hopefully by then I'll have my emotions under control!!


On another note, how about Dancing with the Stars???? Cute little Shawn Johnson won! Rebecca Jo, did you see that one coming???? I thought for sure it would be Gilles!


Hope you all have a wonderful night!!

On to Bigger and Better Things.....I Think?

Well the weekend is over, play is done, parents/ex-inlaws went home. Hmmmm, now do I do, LOL?


The play was incredible. I have to say Travis stole the show! Now in all fairness to the other actors in the play, his part was one that was made to steal the show, but he ACED it. It was amazing seeing everyone clap for him, laugh at him, and give them all a standing ovation in the end. He absolutely loved it and after talking with the director, he hopes to go out for community theater this summer. I got some more pics so I'll be posting those soon.


So now that the play is over, I'm bummed because it is the beginning of the end for a huge chapter in my life. In 3 short months, Travis will be graduating. In 5 short months, he will be leaving to go to college. Ohhhh my, what huge changes. I have dreaded this for so long. I can hardly bear it! I'm so proud of him and all that he has accomplished and I just don't know what I will do when he is not a part of my everyday life. How does one make this transition? He has been such a joy and a bright spot. Sitting here right now and thinking, removing that from the equation of my life leaves me with little to look forward to. I guess I will have to focus on different things as we progress into this next chapter. John thinks I'm crazy, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of sadness when I think of him leaving. I'm so excited for the things that await him. I WANT him to go away to school. And I want him to accomplish his goal of becoming a doctor, or whatever he decides to do because that is subject to change. I want him to enjoy college life, his friends, his girlfriend, his activities.


I love this saying:

"Life is not about the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away."


I hope he has lots of moments in his life that take his breath away.


So tell me, is it normal for a mother to feel this way? Am I crazy? I mean seriously, at times, I feel like I'm going to need Valium to get through it, LOL.


I have a new BFF, Sherri, and she has just one daughter who will be graduating with Travis. We were kidding around saying we will be the ones on the ground kicking and crying because they are graduating. So I know she feels the same way I do. I think my new BFF and I will be spending lots of time together next year!!


That aside, I'm getting ready for a weekend away with some beading friends of mine! We are going back to the Indian Bear Lodge. Unfortunately I can't go until Saturday, but they have lots of cool things planned and I'm really looking forward to it!


I took today, tomorrow, and Wednesday off from work. Simply because I have too much vacation time saved up and will not earn anymore until I use some of it. I figure why waste it so I'm going to take the time to get caught up on my Tivo'd shows and some things that I have been putting off doing.


Jeesh, I hope this post was not too depressing! I'll get through it. Many have been there! I guess the unknown is just scary!

Talk soon!