The Way I Used to Be

Wow, will ya just look at that? That is a picture of me and my dad 10 years ago, at a party for his birthday.

Here's the thing. I had to to through pictures to grab one of Travis when he was little for the River Valley Sports program that will come out in the fall. It was so much fun to look at the old pics and reminisce. There were a lot that John and Travis had never seen. I came across this one and kept looking at it over and over again.

A few things come to mind when I look at this picture. For one thing, my dad and I both look a heck of a lot younger, LOL! Another is that Travis definitely has my nose and mouth. Never thought he looked like me, but he does!! It is almost like looking at him a little bit. But the third thing, is that I was sooooo much thinner in that picture. I probably weighed 60 pounds less. Funny, I remember thinking I was soooooo FAT then! I wish I was THAT fat now! It makes me sad to think what I have let happen to my body. That I let it go. That I let life get in the way. That the only true comfort I could find was through eating. Something is sooooo wrong with that picture.

Well I'm so over that! I need to take control if I want to lose this weight.

I want to BE that person again and I'm going to work my butt off to get there. That is the person I want to be when Travis graduates. That is the person I want to be for the rest of my life. I still had weight to lose at that time, but I would be forever happy to be that weight again.

Another part of this whole thing is my mental attitude. I was so happy then. Yea I was a little overweight. Yea I wished I was thinner. But I was truly happy. I enjoyed life then. I enjoyed being out doing things with my mom or my friends. I truly cannot say that I'm happy now, and that's sad. I feel like I'm going through the motions, but not really happy, and not really living! I hide from people I haven't seen in awhile. I hesitate to go places for fear I might run into someone. I feel like my life is so "blah" and only I can change that!

I am thinking here that it has been since meeting and marrying John I put most of this weight on.......could he be the reason??? Travis and I have a long running joke in this house....anything that goes wrong we say "I blame John." Doesn't matter what it is we say it. Just to be funny, and to aggitate him! No doubt marriage sure ain't easy, but the truth is I really can't blame him for my weight. I can't blame anyone but the person I look at everyday in the mirror.

I plan on making an effort to exercise every single day. I deserve it! I also plan on eating correctly every day. I deserve it!! I plan on rewarding myself every 10 pounds lost. I'll definitely deserve that!

In the meantime, I have hung this picture in my office so that I can see it on a daily basis. I think it's good to keep your goals in front of you!!!