Friends and Politics

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How many times have you heard in your life that friends should not discuss politics? Well politics and religion. But why? Why can't two people have a civilized discussion on politics without it turning into a heated debate? The debate part is fine, but why do people have to get angry about it? Does there always have to be a winner and a loser? Isn't everyone entitled to an opinion? I was reminded this week that this is not the case.

Note: I really want to get through this post without identifying which side I stand on politically, because that is not the point here. Of course those of you that know me well know where I stand.

I used to hate talking politics. My ex-father-in-law was relentless in pounding HIS beliefs in my head every chance he got. He knew his opinions differed from mine, though at 18-23 years old, I don't think I had really formed my political opinions. Maybe he was trying to convert me? Unfortunately I was not well versed in politics. I was not educated enough to present my point of view in an intelligent way. So I avoided these types of conversations whenever I could. Especially with him because he would not let up. So annoying. ...ahhh but I digress.....

As I got older and wiser though, LOL, politics have become much more interesting to me. I actually enjoy reading about politics and watching political shows, watching the debates between candidates, though that was more in the presidential election. I now care about our country and what happens to it. I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what's going on and I feel like I can definitely hold my own in a political conversation. That doesn't mean that I like to argue politics. In fact, why does argue even have to be in that sentence. Discuss yes, argue, forget it!

If my memory serves me right, I have had 2 serious discussions about politics with friends in my adult life, the most recent being this past week. Obviously I am not a political aficionado that wants to discuss politics with everyone I meet. Sure I have had some minor discussions on politics with people, but no matter how deep the conversation gets, I don't get all worked up about it and I definitely don't fight about it. I also want to state, for the record, that I didn't start either of these discussions. However, I did feel the need to defend my beliefs. I mean really, why is it OK for someone to say whatever they want to, insult beliefs or your choice of candidates, but you are expected to keep quiet and not respond back if you disagree? Is that fair?

Without going into details, neither discussion turned out well and both times John blamed me for arguing politics. Which, for the record, I want to point out that I was definitely not arguing. I simply had a different opinion that I shared. He asked why I even have to pursue it at all, and that got me to thinking. This is a two-sided thing. I feel like if I don't respond, then 1) they will assume I agree with their viewpoint, or 2) being blase' passionate about politics, when someone brings this subject up, I really WANT to discuss the issues and express why I feel the way I feel. John reiterated that friends and politics don't mix. OK I get that now. It is definitely not worth it.

What I don't get, and the whole point of my post, is the semantics of the whole thing with regards to friendship.

• Why can one person state their views to a friend, but the other person with the opposing view is expected to shut up and keep their opinions to themselves all for the sake of a friendship and avoiding an argument.


• Why don't THEY take into consideration, before starting such a conversation, that the person they are talking to may have a differing opinion, and maybe THEY should keep their mouth shut for the sake of the friendship.


• Most importantly, why can't 2 people have a conversation where their views differ without it turning into a fight? I mean I do it all the time with my hairdresser when she wants to do a different color than I want. ;o)

If you ever find out the answers to any of the questions above, clue me in will ya?